HOW TO KEEP WACKINESS ALIVE IN THE WORKPLACE
1. | Put a chair facing a printer, sit there all day and tell people you're waiting |
for your document. | |
2. | Arrive at a meeting late, say you're sorry, but you didn't have time for lunch |
and you're going to be nibbling during the meeting. During the meeting eat 5 | |
entire raw potatoes. As often as possible, skip rather then walk into the meetings late | |
3. | Insist that your e-mail address be
"zena_goddess_of_fire@companyname.com" or Elvis-the-King@companyname.com |
4. | Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that. |
5. | Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them to sign a waiver. |
6. | Send email to yourself engaging yourself in an intelligent debate about the |
direction of one of your company's products. Forward the email to a co-worker | |
and ask them to settle the disagreement. | |
7. | Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.) |
8. | Name all your pens and insist that meetings can't begin until they're all present. |
9. | Come to work in your pajamas. |
10. | Put a picture of your mother on your business card. |
11. | Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wear them |
one day after your boss does. | |
12. | Make up nicknames for all your co-workers and refer to them only by these names. |
"That's a good point Sparky." "No I'm sorry I'm going to have to disagree with | |
you there Chachi." | |
13. | Suggest that beer be put in the soda machine. |
14. | Include a piece of your childrens artwork as a cover page to all your reports that |
you write. | |
15. | Schedule meetings for 4.14pm. |
16. | Encourage your colleages to join you in a little synchronised chair dancing. |
17. | Agree to organize the company Christmas Party. Hold it at MacDonalds Playland. |
Charge everyone $15 each. | |
18. | Send an email to the rest of the company telling them what you're doing. |
For example, "If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathroom." | |
19. | No matter what anyone asks you, reply,
"Okay." or Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think." |
20. | Put your garbage can on your desk. Label it "IN." |
21. | Plant a hedge around your cubicle. |
22. | Grow mold in your coffee cup. |
23. | Build models of the Seven Wonders of the World using empty soda cans. |
24. | Put on your headphonmes whenever the boss comes into the office. |
Talk in a loud voice. Remove your headphones when he/she leaves. | |
25. | When in conversation, no matter where you are in the office, mutter, "I think my |
phone is ringing" and leave. Go get a coffee. | |
26. | Determine how many cups of coffee is "too many." |
27. | Develop an unnatural fear of staplers. |
28. | Compose all of your email in rhyming couplets. |
29. | Install a set of buttons and lights in the arm of your chair. Talk into your daytimer. |
30. | "Hi-lite" your shoes. Tell people you haven't lost them since you did this. |
31. | Organize a carpool. Go to pick everyone up in a taxi. |
32. | When you go to a party at somebody elses house, don't automatically assume |
that the drinks are free. Ask, and often ask. | |
33. | Hang mistletoe over your desk. |
34. | Include a personal note on every email you send. "On a personal note, I'm feeling a |
bit tired and grumpy today." "On a personal note, I'm pleased to announce I got my highest score on Tetris ever last night." | |
35. | Bring in dishes that you tried to cook but didn't turn out quite right as special treats |
for your co-workers. | |
36. | Put up mosquito netting around your cubicle and play a tape of jungle sounds |
37. | Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy." |
38. | At lunch-time, sit in a parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down. |
39. | Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer. |
40. | Specify that your drive-through order is "to go." |
41. | Go to a poetry recital and often ask why the poems don't rhyme. |
42. | Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood. |
43. | When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won!? I Won! 3rd time this week!!!" |
44. | When leaving the zoo, start running towards the car park, yelling, "Run for your lives, they're loose!" |
45. | Tell your children over dinner "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go." |