Funny Articles   


Phrases You Can Use In A Myriad of Business Situations

1. Thank You.  We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
2. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
3. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
4. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
5. I have plenty of talent and vision.  I just don't give a damn.
6. I like you.  You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
7. I'm not being rude.  You're just insignificant.
8. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
9. Ahhh....I see the screw up fairy has visited us again....
10. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
11. How about never?  Is never good for you?
12. I'll try to be nicer if you'll try to be smarter.
13. I don't work here.  I'm a consultant.
14. Who me?  I just wander from room to room.
15. My Toys!  My Toys!  I can't do this job without my toys!
16. It might look like I'm doing nothing,  but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.
17. At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.
18. You are validating my inherent distrust of strangers.
19. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
20. Someday, we'll look back at this, laugh nervously and change the subject.
21. Well, aren't we just a ray of fucking sunshine?
22. Not the brightest crayon in the box, are we?
23. A hard-on does NOT count as personal growth.
24. Do I look like a fucking people person?
25. This isn't an office, it's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
26.  If I want to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on the cat.
27. The aliens obviously forgot to remove your anal probe.
28. Let me show you how the prison guards do it.
29. And your cry-baby, whiny-assed opinion would be...?
30. Sarcasm is just one of the fine services we offer.
31. Whatever look you were trying to achieve, you missed.
32. Do they ever shut up on your planet?
33. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
34. I can't remember if I'm the evil or good twin.
35. How many times do I have to flush before you go away?
36. You say I'm a bitch like it was a bad thing.
37. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #2?
38. Nice perfume, must you marinade in it?
39. You look like shit, is that the style now?
40. Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?